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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by v on May 7, 1999, at 6:40:45
i don't mean to whine - although perhaps i do - i feel VERY alone - very depressed and completely without resources...
my eating's begun to be out of control... i can't fall asleep at night regardless of how tired i am - so i eat some more (a classic response of mine) - it's like i fight falling asleep
i've upped the dose on the topamax to 50mg but it doesn't appear to do anything - yet earlier when my eating was cleaner i thought i felt 25mg when i took it
i'm starting to get scared of all the meds i stuff inside me hoping for something to change because nothing really does... i'm tired of trying...
i've asked questions here and not gotten any answers and believe me, i DO NOT believe anyone here owes me anything so i'm not complaining about that... we're all here just trying to get by, doing the best we can... i know that this list doesn't exist to serve me...
i'm considering tapering off my meds and seeing where i am - my next appt is the end of the month but this doctor isn't someone who can advise me (i'm the one coming to him with ideas about my treatment)
it's been hard to reach out here but it's getting worse each day... i don't even kow why i'm writing this.. i certainly don't want to hear the usual "hang in there' - i've been hanging in there my whole life... i'm tired and i'm angry of hanging (self pity's terrible isn't it... :)
regards,
v
Posted by Victoria on May 7, 1999, at 15:29:18
In reply to i don't even know what to put here, posted by v on May 7, 1999, at 6:40:45
Just had a crash myself-- probably means another set of meds isn't working, so back on the med-go-round--so I think I know how you feel (just erased an obscenity describing how it feels!). Just "hanging in" doesn't do it. Can you change docs? Sounds like you could use a psychiatrist you could see more frequently and get more educated rx advice and support, as well as the benefits of "talk therapy." It makes a world of difference to me to have a pdoc. Are you angry about your situation? It's so frustrating that so little is known about what's really going on in the brain and how to match symptoms and meds. The trial-and-error routine is tough. I get really angry when I feel that I'm forced to practice medicine on myself (without a license!). The anger (when I have trouble acknowedging it) sometimes turns into feeling hopeless. If another doc isn't a possibility, are there any support groups in your area? Are there things you can do to comfort yourself while you're feeling lousy (including not beating yourself up if eating is the only thing that does comfort you)? I won't say "hang in there," but I will say, take care!
> i don't mean to whine - although perhaps i do - i feel VERY alone - very depressed and completely without resources...
>
> my eating's begun to be out of control... i can't fall asleep at night regardless of how tired i am - so i eat some more (a classic response of mine) - it's like i fight falling asleep
>
> i've upped the dose on the topamax to 50mg but it doesn't appear to do anything - yet earlier when my eating was cleaner i thought i felt 25mg when i took it
>
> i'm starting to get scared of all the meds i stuff inside me hoping for something to change because nothing really does... i'm tired of trying...
>
> i've asked questions here and not gotten any answers and believe me, i DO NOT believe anyone here owes me anything so i'm not complaining about that... we're all here just trying to get by, doing the best we can... i know that this list doesn't exist to serve me...
>
> i'm considering tapering off my meds and seeing where i am - my next appt is the end of the month but this doctor isn't someone who can advise me (i'm the one coming to him with ideas about my treatment)
>
> it's been hard to reach out here but it's getting worse each day... i don't even kow why i'm writing this.. i certainly don't want to hear the usual "hang in there' - i've been hanging in there my whole life... i'm tired and i'm angry of hanging (self pity's terrible isn't it... :)
>
> regards,
> v
Posted by v on May 8, 1999, at 10:49:00
In reply to Re: i don't even know what to put here, posted by Victoria on May 7, 1999, at 15:29:18
i can't thank you enough for responding... sometimes i feel like i'm the only person here noone answers (just more self-pity, i know... :)
i feel very much as you describe... unfortunately, i've had more "talk therapy" than most therapists throughout my life and more than one dr who's let me down... but believe me, i don't rule out your suggestions.
i currently live in an area not known for enlightened thinking... someone like me tends to be easily misunderstood here... it's beautiful visually and limiting in most every other way
i'm not sure what i'll do... if the meds don't work, why bother? except that i'm always driven back to try more meds by my inability to live/function...
i can't be gentle about the food... it's my achilles heel... parts of me function as an athlete and it gets in the way... and being eating disordered (having had them ALL at one time or another my whole life), i totally define myself by my food
sorry for rambling on... it just felt so good to have been heard. but i'm truly sorry that your understanding comes from being in pain yourself and hope you are able to overcome this garbage!!
thank you again for responding
regards,
v> Just had a crash myself-- probably means another set of meds isn't working, so back on the med-go-round--so I think I know how you feel (just erased an obscenity describing how it feels!). Just "hanging in" doesn't do it. Can you change docs? Sounds like you could use a psychiatrist you could see more frequently and get more educated rx advice and support, as well as the benefits of "talk therapy." It makes a world of difference to me to have a pdoc. Are you angry about your situation? It's so frustrating that so little is known about what's really going on in the brain and how to match symptoms and meds. The trial-and-error routine is tough. I get really angry when I feel that I'm forced to practice medicine on myself (without a license!). The anger (when I have trouble acknowedging it) sometimes turns into feeling hopeless. If another doc isn't a possibility, are there any support groups in your area? Are there things you can do to comfort yourself while you're feeling lousy (including not beating yourself up if eating is the only thing that does comfort you)? I won't say "hang in there," but I will say, take care!
>
>
>
>
> > i don't mean to whine - although perhaps i do - i feel VERY alone - very depressed and completely without resources...
> >
> > my eating's begun to be out of control... i can't fall asleep at night regardless of how tired i am - so i eat some more (a classic response of mine) - it's like i fight falling asleep
> >
> > i've upped the dose on the topamax to 50mg but it doesn't appear to do anything - yet earlier when my eating was cleaner i thought i felt 25mg when i took it
> >
> > i'm starting to get scared of all the meds i stuff inside me hoping for something to change because nothing really does... i'm tired of trying...
> >
> > i've asked questions here and not gotten any answers and believe me, i DO NOT believe anyone here owes me anything so i'm not complaining about that... we're all here just trying to get by, doing the best we can... i know that this list doesn't exist to serve me...
> >
> > i'm considering tapering off my meds and seeing where i am - my next appt is the end of the month but this doctor isn't someone who can advise me (i'm the one coming to him with ideas about my treatment)
> >
> > it's been hard to reach out here but it's getting worse each day... i don't even kow why i'm writing this.. i certainly don't want to hear the usual "hang in there' - i've been hanging in there my whole life... i'm tired and i'm angry of hanging (self pity's terrible isn't it... :)
> >
> > regards,
> > v
Posted by Betsy on May 10, 1999, at 15:23:37
In reply to thanks victoria, posted by v on May 8, 1999, at 10:49:00
> i can't thank you enough for responding... sometimes i feel like i'm the only person here noone answers (just more self-pity, i know... :)
Keep in mind that sometimes people read, and care, but just don't know what to say. Especially if you don't want replies like "You're not alone"
or "Hang in there". But you're not alone.> i'm not sure what i'll do... if the meds don't work, why bother? except that i'm always driven back to try more meds by my inability to live/function...
Why bother is because you do still value your life and want to get better - and that desire to get better is a wonderful thing, and it is what does keep
you going. Its a good sign, going back to try another or different meds.> i can't be gentle about the food... it's my achilles heel... parts of me function as an athlete and it gets in the way... and being eating disordered (having had them ALL at one time or another my whole life), i totally define myself by my food
Here's a place talk-therapy probably can do you a great deal of good! If this is a recurring theme, then this is a good thing for you to work on. Try at least to eat healthy when you snack, instead of
chocolate. (Says the woman who just bought a bag of chocolates today! Haha!) I'm trying to also drink more - not alcohol, but rather water, juice, milk, things like that. Especially with a straw. It helps
with the oral cravings and fills my stomach. That might help you too! (And keeping hydrated can also help the mood!)
> sorry for rambling on... it just felt so good to have been heard.You're always heard, even if its not acknowledged right away. Remember that most people who read these sorts of things tend to never post. That doesn't mean they're not listening.
>but i'm truly sorry that your understanding comes from being in pain yourself and hope you are able to overcome this garbage!!
But at the same time it is because we all have had these sorts of pain that we can come together and help each-other.
And so through our pain we can find something good and productive.Betsy
Posted by v on May 11, 1999, at 5:13:04
In reply to v - we do read, even if we don't reply...., posted by Betsy on May 10, 1999, at 15:23:37
thank you besty... :)
> > i can't thank you enough for responding... sometimes i feel like i'm the only person here noone answers (just more self-pity, i know... :)
>
> Keep in mind that sometimes people read, and care, but just don't know what to say. Especially if you don't want replies like "You're not alone"
> or "Hang in there". But you're not alone.
>
> > i'm not sure what i'll do... if the meds don't work, why bother? except that i'm always driven back to try more meds by my inability to live/function...
>
> Why bother is because you do still value your life and want to get better - and that desire to get better is a wonderful thing, and it is what does keep
> you going. Its a good sign, going back to try another or different meds.
>
> > i can't be gentle about the food... it's my achilles heel... parts of me function as an athlete and it gets in the way... and being eating disordered (having had them ALL at one time or another my whole life), i totally define myself by my food
>
> Here's a place talk-therapy probably can do you a great deal of good! If this is a recurring theme, then this is a good thing for you to work on. Try at least to eat healthy when you snack, instead of
> chocolate. (Says the woman who just bought a bag of chocolates today! Haha!) I'm trying to also drink more - not alcohol, but rather water, juice, milk, things like that. Especially with a straw. It helps
> with the oral cravings and fills my stomach. That might help you too! (And keeping hydrated can also help the mood!)
>
> > sorry for rambling on... it just felt so good to have been heard.
>
> You're always heard, even if its not acknowledged right away. Remember that most people who read these sorts of things tend to never post. That doesn't mean they're not listening.
>
> >but i'm truly sorry that your understanding comes from being in pain yourself and hope you are able to overcome this garbage!!
>
> But at the same time it is because we all have had these sorts of pain that we can come together and help each-other.
> And so through our pain we can find something good and productive.
>
> Betsy
Posted by Victoria on May 11, 1999, at 14:15:47
In reply to thanks victoria, posted by v on May 8, 1999, at 10:49:00
Thanks for responding to me! Good wishes to us both!
> i can't thank you enough for responding... sometimes i feel like i'm the only person here noone answers (just more self-pity, i know... :)
>
> i feel very much as you describe... unfortunately, i've had more "talk therapy" than most therapists throughout my life and more than one dr who's let me down... but believe me, i don't rule out your suggestions.
>
> i currently live in an area not known for enlightened thinking... someone like me tends to be easily misunderstood here... it's beautiful visually and limiting in most every other way
>
> i'm not sure what i'll do... if the meds don't work, why bother? except that i'm always driven back to try more meds by my inability to live/function...
>
> i can't be gentle about the food... it's my achilles heel... parts of me function as an athlete and it gets in the way... and being eating disordered (having had them ALL at one time or another my whole life), i totally define myself by my food
>
> sorry for rambling on... it just felt so good to have been heard. but i'm truly sorry that your understanding comes from being in pain yourself and hope you are able to overcome this garbage!!
>
> thank you again for responding
>
> regards,
> v
>
> > Just had a crash myself-- probably means another set of meds isn't working, so back on the med-go-round--so I think I know how you feel (just erased an obscenity describing how it feels!). Just "hanging in" doesn't do it. Can you change docs? Sounds like you could use a psychiatrist you could see more frequently and get more educated rx advice and support, as well as the benefits of "talk therapy." It makes a world of difference to me to have a pdoc. Are you angry about your situation? It's so frustrating that so little is known about what's really going on in the brain and how to match symptoms and meds. The trial-and-error routine is tough. I get really angry when I feel that I'm forced to practice medicine on myself (without a license!). The anger (when I have trouble acknowedging it) sometimes turns into feeling hopeless. If another doc isn't a possibility, are there any support groups in your area? Are there things you can do to comfort yourself while you're feeling lousy (including not beating yourself up if eating is the only thing that does comfort you)? I won't say "hang in there," but I will say, take care!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > > i don't mean to whine - although perhaps i do - i feel VERY alone - very depressed and completely without resources...
> > >
> > > my eating's begun to be out of control... i can't fall asleep at night regardless of how tired i am - so i eat some more (a classic response of mine) - it's like i fight falling asleep
> > >
> > > i've upped the dose on the topamax to 50mg but it doesn't appear to do anything - yet earlier when my eating was cleaner i thought i felt 25mg when i took it
> > >
> > > i'm starting to get scared of all the meds i stuff inside me hoping for something to change because nothing really does... i'm tired of trying...
> > >
> > > i've asked questions here and not gotten any answers and believe me, i DO NOT believe anyone here owes me anything so i'm not complaining about that... we're all here just trying to get by, doing the best we can... i know that this list doesn't exist to serve me...
> > >
> > > i'm considering tapering off my meds and seeing where i am - my next appt is the end of the month but this doctor isn't someone who can advise me (i'm the one coming to him with ideas about my treatment)
> > >
> > > it's been hard to reach out here but it's getting worse each day... i don't even kow why i'm writing this.. i certainly don't want to hear the usual "hang in there' - i've been hanging in there my whole life... i'm tired and i'm angry of hanging (self pity's terrible isn't it... :)
> > >
> > > regards,
> > > v
This is the end of the thread.
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