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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 2 of 2. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by PoolGuy on June 16, 2008, at 16:41:31
Hello,
I am really sorry but this post if going to be long.I am new to this forum and this is my first post. I have been checking this forum for some times now and just felt like posting.
I would like to know if there is anyone out there that feel like I do and had success with any kind of medication.
I feel like my mind is blank, most of the time. Not much thoughts enters my mind(of course they do enter my mind because I can talk, read and write) but it's like I am not aware of my thoughts anymore. It's like they have lost their substance, I just cannot seem to experience my thoughts in my head. My consciousness has shut down in some kind of way, I feel like I have lost my soul. It's like the intensity of everything that I do experience is dramatically reduced to almost nothing. I don't really feel human anymore. Although, you may see me or talk to me and I might look pretty normal sometimes.
I really don't know what to do about this. I cannot experience emotions and real pleasure in things or situation I should. But at least I know why I am like this. My main problem is social anxiety. Years ago, it led me to isolation, which led me to depression and anxiety for no reason. I then took zoloft but only for 3 days. It just terribly aggravated my anxiety and gave me insomnia that went away after that. This sent my into a terrific episode of total depersonalization/derealization with constant terror, my thoughts were running very fast in that time. It was the most terrific experience of my life. But with time, the anxiety/depersonalization started to fade away. But my thoughts also started to calm down, then they slowly dissapeared to send me in some kind of zombie state like I had taken antipsychotics. But I took nothing.
Now I have done some positive changes in my life in terms of social phobia, but there is still a lot to do! However, no matter what I do, or the time of the day, I cannot experience my thoughts or any sort of pleasure or emotion.
So when you talk to me about anhedonia, apathy, emotionnal numbness, low energy, I know all of this! However I am truly aware that all of this kinda blunt my feeling of anxiety/depression.
I would like to know if anyone out there can relate to these symptoms and is aware of any medication that could help with this.
I have done a lot of research and I think it has to do with dopamine maybe. But I am afraid of dopaminergic medication since I am prone to anxiety sometimes bordering paranoia(while I was in a total state of depersonalization.) Please note that I never had any kind of psychotic experience like hallucations and desilussions.
Thank you for your time and sorry if this post was long, I had a lot of things to say about my experience and still does.
Best regards,
Maxime
Posted by happee_place on June 16, 2008, at 23:42:11
In reply to Blank mind, ''Loss of soul'', anhedonia, posted by PoolGuy on June 16, 2008, at 16:41:31
Hello Pool Guy!!!!
I am new her too and took a balsy moove by being completley vulnerable the first time or so that i posted, so i commend you for that i know its not easy.
Second of all wanted to write you because i know EXACTLY how you feel. It is the very reason i took myself off my meds in 2002. I had been taking paxil for 5 year up till that point and felt like a shell. In one way i didnt mind it. Because of my past and just being prone to anxiety and depression i am over annalytical about everything over emotional very sensitive so for me it was sort of a relief. I could function for once without haveing to 'feel' everything! And when i started to get to a place of being really healthy i missed my emotions. I am a lover of people and i hated that i couldnt feel anything for anyone. Nothing would make me cry. And after a while it just got sorta old and i felt i knew what i had to do. I tapred mysef off paxil Which by the way is a bitch to get out of your system- a testiment of how badly i wanted to feel 'normal') . And i did fine for about a year and a half with no meds. Ans slowly but surley my old thoughts and feelings krept back in. I got so used to the fact that i was 'surviving' on my own!! I had acquired some sort of pride that i didnt need those drugs and shunned them off for as long as possible. I literally dragged it out until i got to a point again of total dibilitation where i literally couldnt function.
That is no way to live ya know! Something that has taken me a lot of years to come to grips with is the fact that my internal chemistry/chemicals are not totally wired perfectly. And realized that God gifted people with amazing brains and talent to creat such medicines to help those that arent naturly blessed with normal chemistry to reconnect the frayed wires. It really helped me accept that i might have to use medicine to function normally for the rest of my life and not feel like a freak.
You mentioned you did try Zoloft for 3 days?? Any Doctor should have and is supposed to tell you it takes usually 2-3 weeks to actually normalize in your bloodstream for it to even make a bit of difference and will take that long for you to feel ANY changes. Is it possible that you were mentally anticipating what the drug would do so much to a point that you created symptoms or you might have read the warnings on Zoloft and fixated on one thing in particular. When people deal with anxiety it is hard to decifer sometimes real feelings from actual things - it interferes with everyday life. The symptom you mentioned you had from Zoloft is also a symptom of anxiety.
My opinion is you should re-consider taking a medication to help you through this stage of your life and quite possibly for the rest of your life. It is normal to experiment with certain drugs (that is the downfall to taking them is you only know which one works by trial and error) Im hopeing you have a good doctor that you canbe open totally open and honest with and can walk you through this process that will really help too.
I just encourage you to give the meds another shot! I have taken many over the years (13 yrs). Some worked, some didnt, some worked for a period of time and then stopped working. I am actually in that boat now trying to experiment with certain ones that fit my place in life right now. And its not uncommon for people with similar ailments to also have to experiment with various ones throughout thier life.
Good luck and keep posting it really helps!!
Sincerely,
H.P.
This is the end of the thread.
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